Am I nervous? Yes. But somewhere inside of me I also feel an odd sense of calm...I guess it's a resolve or a surrendering to the whole process that I hope will make me healthier...knowing that I am doing something about this is somehow making me feel "better".
I haven't had surgery before so aside from the sense of resolve, I'm confronting fears and feelings that are really strange, like being soooo vulnerable and being at the mercy of nurses and doctors that will have to help me when I can't help myself. That's a really tough one for me. I can't imagine being incapacitated. I can't imagine not being able to move freely without feeling pain. I can't imagine being on strong pain killers...a catheter...staples...wound care...uuuugggghhhh.
I can't imagine my body not whole anymore, but in fact missing one of it's parts.
So yeah. There's surrendering and resolve, but there's also a healthy dose of fear and concern about the whole process.
I hope I can do it well. I hope I'm a good patient and that I can handle everything that is going to happen. This is unknown turf.
Good news today is that I got a call back from a PT who specializes in post-c section rehab. C-section is such a similar surgery to the PAH (partial abdominal hysterectomy) she feels comfortable working with me. So part of my recovery plan is to go and see her and get myself rehabbing and healing as soon after surgery as I can.
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