7

Got myself a grabber today! I passed on the raised toilet seat-- I just couldn't bring myself to do it (gulp!).

The little old Italian woman at the surgical supply place was soooo nice. She asked me if the stuff was for me and when I said yes she couldn't believe that I was having surgery. She asked me what type of surgery, I told her a hysterectomy and she gasped and said "Why! You're so young!".

You know, the thought has crossed my mind more than once....that I feel too young to be going through this. That I am too young...but in fact, when I think about how I've felt for the past couple of years-- when I really take the time to think about it, and be honest with myself-- I realize that I haven't felt young at all.

I've become breathless on short walks thanks to anemia, I've pee'd in my pants after sneezing and coughing. I've had to turn down invitations to concerts and dinners, I've had to plan trips extremely carefully.

I've had to pack spare clothes for work, I've had to line my bed and sleep on a folded towel at night, I've had to sleep on my back all night long, I've had to put a sweatshirt around my waist to cover up bleeding through onto my pants. I've had to contend with an expanding waistline and pants that are huge on my butt and legs, but that barely close around my waist.

I've had to stop doing every prone yoga posture that exists, I've had to stop my aerobic workouts because the pressure on my bladder is too much. I've had to wake up 4 times a night to go to the bathroom, and continue to go about 3 times per hour while at work. I've had to start putting my foot up onto a chair to tie my shoes because bending with a basketball in my abdomen is impossible. And last but certainly not least, I've had to spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars on pads- which I go through like wild fire.

I am actually incredibly emotional as I write this out right now- because seeing it in black and white is painful. It has been a rough couple of years and my hope is that when this surgery is a thing of the past- I will get my quality of life back and I will gain peace of mind...and better health.

In reality, I haven't felt young in a while. I've compensated for my bleeding and fibroid hindrances gradually and completely. Each issue was dealt with as it came along and it's not until I see it in writing that I realize how crazy things have actually been.

So.....here's to reclaiming my life. Here's to better health.

And most of all....here's to the little old Italian woman in the surgical supply store who thought I was 35.

:-)